It’s April 22nd. So this is it…as the clock ticks 6:30 in the evening, the soul behind these lines completes 25 years. Yes, 25 years back, when a baby was pulled out of its mother’s womb in a poor neighbourhood of a small village, and considering the emotions churning inside, even the mighty god got confused on scribing the fate of the baby! He sighed, ‘tough nut!’

          Connecting the dots, if not great, it certainly feels good. Life has been remarkable, sometimes suddenly reversing its roots, and then sometimes letting me praise the beauty in it and finally on the threshold of 25, releasing all its clutches and giving me everything to choose from.

       My childhood was spent in playing, fighting and early attractions. Whenever I come home, I try to wander around my village hill, calm and serene. I remember the days we jumped the fence around the plantations, climbing the trees and emptying them out f their seasonal fruits, pulling down the leaves, branches and finally leaving it naked! May be that’s why monkeys never showed themselves in the surroundings!

             I was the apple of my classmate’s eyes. Mostly, for the homework that I would give them for copying which would save them from teacher’s beatings! And I was taken care of. In return, I would get variety of gifts, from chalk pieces to the every kind of fruits that grew in the backyard of their houses, they brought me everything.

Coming to attractions, I was very much awed by the entry of a girl in the early days of my 5th standard. Surprising all my friends, I started being over punctual to get her first glimpse everyday! I still remember dancing with her for a song from DDLJ. I still remember how shy I was to do that last step, with my arms around her waist, holding her by her skirt! Whenever I hear ‘’mehendi laga ke rehna, doli saja ke rakhna’ I feel nostalgic. I also remember our headmaster Veeresh Kaulagi, who was a remarkable teacher who taught me to dance, plays, and inspired me with his every Fridays story telling classes. I feel very much grateful to him.

      My life took a sudden turn, when I got selected to study in a residential school. I felt proud because I was only the second guy after my brother to get selected from my village. The seven years followed brought changes in my attitude, it stepped up the platform on which I could stand and dream high and very high. I experienced such deep friendship. I experienced blossoming of true love. Those days were really really wonderful. It was more or less a sweet dream.

The following engineering years seemed a little dull. That was the time when I failed to make right decisions. The dream had been already dreamt. The expectations for me out of myself were very high. But I lacked guidance at the right time and more importantly seriousness at the right time. May it was just ME who by design can’t take things seriously when they really should have been.

But life never seemed to lose its sheen. The dullness was completely painted by the enchanting colours of love. I fell deep in love. Yes, so deep that I couldn’t find time for my own friends. Even though I had the same respect and admiration for every one of them, my aloofness started bringing a gap which I failed to fill again.

Being in love was a heavenly feeling. Even with the high expectations and unnecessary arguments, I felt complete. I started holding tight on to that life. I believed it to be MY LIFE. Almost 10 long years! I felt blessed.

   Blessed until I felt suddenly cursed. I understood that life could never ever allow me to settle. The heavenly feeling was shattered. I was betrayed. The following hell was unbearable. If wind was that pain it blew from every corner. If rain was that pain it even shoot from the earth. If sunshine was the pain, it burnt me even in the moonlight. And on the threshold of 25, I felt as if I might have experienced a lot more for my age. But no complaints!

May the person whom I loved more than any other in the world may chose not to wish me on this birthday. May be my life looks so indecisive at this time. The decisions I have taken may look so immature for the way I am struggling about it. But for me, life is good. I don’t have to live someone else’s dreams. And for whatever happened and for whatever done, I will chose not to lose hopes in true love and trust.

I just want to thank each and every one of you who made me what I am. To my humble parents, to my respected teachers, to my admired friends, to my love who has been my life for a major chunk of my survival,,,I LOVE YOU..A LOT.  Possibly pardon me for my mistakes, my mood swings, my too sensitive moments, my stubbornness, my impatience, my short temper and for everything you lived me with..

THANK YOU ALL

Without Wax

Ashu

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